Is anyone else tired of the walls and distance between who a person is and who others believe they are? Can we please just be REAL? Life is tough no matter at what stage you find yourself. When we chose to build walls and keep others at a distance it hinders the growth of authentic relationships. The extent to which barriers are built can even lead to losing the ability to know how to be “you”. Leaving the builder, you, with the question to answer: “Who am I?” Have you ever experienced a struggle within to identify and express your personal opinions and beliefs? You strain to acknowledge them. But they are blurred by the mask you’ve worn for the world. Emotions try to emerge but they are blocked. All you can feel is fear, numbness and confusion. Reinforcements come to the rescue. “What will they think of me if I’m really me?”… “No one will like me anymore.”… “No one has to know I’m struggling…I can just keep hiding.” The questions and rationalizations are indicators that your chameleon walls are thick and the reinforcements are strong.
How do I know? I was a chameleon for most of my life. Growing up I struggled with who I was, so I lived in safety of my camouflage skills, like a chameleon. My natural instinct was to keep harmony, make others happy, and stay out of trouble. The expectations of others ruled my world. I adapted and changed based on who I was with and what their expectations were so I would be accepted and keep the peace. I thought I was in control.
Do I have any chameleon friends out there? It might not be easy at first glance to recognize it in yourself. Why? Because to an extent that is just part of surviving in our world of ever changing norms and expectations. I realize it is safer to live with walls. I’m an expert builder myself. But I have been challenged to tear my walls down and build REAL relationships: Relational through Encouragement, Authenticity, and Love! That means sharing the struggles of life and letting the light of Jesus shine through my weaknesses as my source of strength.
I was most challenged with tearing down my walls while living in Germany. Our family was preparing for Daddy to deploy for 15 months and suddenly I found myself facing a medical diagnosis that required emergency surgery with an extended recovery time. Many decisions needed to be made. One decision was “will this be a private walk or a public walk?”
Public was what the Lord required. In 2 Corinthians 1: 4-5 the Apostle Paul encourages us that we go through challenges to prepare us and give us opportunity to edify and relate to others through our experience. So there I was on the receiving end of much encouragement and support from newly made friends and strangers. I was learning to live out Proverbs 27:10 where it tells us that when we are in need of assistance we should get our help from those nearby rather than distant family. Living in Germany didn’t leave much choice. It was out of my control
Through that experience I gained friendships I never would have had the opportunity for and my witness for Christ grew. At that time I was also a leader in the community so for those who were watching my family and I handle this challenge it strengthened the message that we need each other in the good times and the challenging ones too. As I let the Lord tear down some of my walls and trust him to be in control I grew in amazing ways. It became clear that I was telling women through my actions that a “strong woman is one who knows when she needs help and seeks it out”. I have witnessed so many women, especially military wives, struggle in their own strength. They chose to stay behind their walls and fake that they were in control and just fine. In reality, inside their walls at home, they were falling apart. I had a front row seat to my own struggle. When I let go of my control to the Lord. He broke me free! I chose to be REAL first with Jesus and began doing life in his strength. Then I found the freedom to be REAL with the people he placed in my life.
Can you relate to being a wall builder? Do you struggle to appear to have it “all together” when the world looks at you? Are you ready to live in REAL community? Where do you want do go in your freedom of being REAL?
I hope to hear about your REAL Journey!
Armor Up, pride down, Pray Always