Can you walk in a straight line? How about with your eyes closed? With our eyes open and something to focus on, yes, most of us are able to walk in a straight line. But when the ability to see and focus on our destination is removed or interrupted we will end up off course.
Is your life still on course? Or has your focus been interrupted? When is the last time you purposefully carved out time to quietly self-reflect with the Lord? The most common time for us to pause to contemplate where our life is going and consider changing direction is when the year draws to a close. I am learning the value of taking this time more often than once a year. For me, self-reflection is an effective tool the Lord uses to help keep my life on track and arrive at my destination without too many detours.
Recently, in an almost forced pause for reflection, I was faced with a question; Does the way I live reveal that my identity and self worth are established in Christ? The honest answer was that I’m not sure it is as recognizable as I would like it to be-which meant it was time to get to work.
In my heart I knew that my identity and value are in Christ. However, when I was honest with myself my outward behavior showed that I believe differently. I was seeking acceptance from this world. In some areas of my life I had put greater value on other’s opinions of success (as measured by this world) over my unmatchable worth in Christ. The source of my true identity and self-worth were in conflict. My heart was reminding me that I am secure in who God says I am; his child, enough for him, loved, and the list goes on. While my mind was measuring my worth differently and offering its own list “You are lacking compared to….”; “You are out of style compared to…”, “You don’t have enough education to…”, People don’t really like you.”, and more. Have you ever experienced similar conflicts?
By what standard do you measure and align your identity and your worth? The world’s or Christ’s? What does the world require of you to achieve its standard of worthiness?
Here are some verses to remind you of your identity in Christ:
Colossians 2:10 “ In Him (Christ) you have been made complete and He is the head over all rule and authority”
1 Corinthians 6:11 “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Christ and by the Spirit of God.”
Also- 1 John 4:4; Ephesians 1:3-13; Ephesians 2:2-13
Do you ever struggle to be truly honest with yourself and minimize your choices?
During my forced reflection time I wrestled with being honest with myself. I had to admit that trying harder was not the answer. I had to finally surrender to the Holy Spirit’s transforming power and fight the urge to rationalize my thoughts and behavior. Opening my hands and releasing control, I chose to trust that He would gently show me the source of my weakening witness for Christ. And He did. The honest truth was I had experienced a pretty painful rejection. Until that time of stillness, I had never named it, but that is what it was. Rejection.
Did you know that the fear of rejection is one of the greatest human fears?? Once I openly assessed my behavior and thought process it became clear to me I had been rejected. Naming it allowed me to recognize how my thought life shifted from focusing on Christ’s best to my “best” according to the world. The transition blurred my unquestioned security in Christ. This lead to a search for reassurance of my value in this world. When the fog of selfish thinking was removed from my eyes, I could see clearly how pride had crept into a corner of my heart. Living in the haze of pride it gave me permission to behave and make choices that I never thought I would. Thank God nothing earth shattering occurred, but enough happened to leave me embarrassed and regretful as I look back. I find assurance and comfort in 2 Corinthians 7:10 “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”
I sought after and put more value on the acceptance and approval of people around me who, at the end of the day, wouldn’t even remember we had crossed paths. (John 12: 43 “for they loved human praise more than praise from God.”; Proverbs 29:25) I pushed aside God’s unconditional love as my creator, the one who has great plans for my life (Jeremiah 29:11-12), and accepts me just as I am. I took my eyes off Jesus and put them on myself. Faced with this truth I was left to stumble through the questions: How did I not see this happening? Why didn’t anyone say anything to me?
My answer: I couldn’t see because I was living out of a place of hurt. It was easier to choose to justify myself and blame the people who were causing my pain for my poor choices. This included making sure other people in my life knew I was being wrongly treated. I responded pridefully, rather than trusting God to heal my hurt heart and ego. I rationalized that my feelings were justified, and I ended up stuck in a cycle of rejection; hurt and looking for assurance. Around and around it went. The situation didn’t change, but I became more effective in dealing with my response. Many months later when I finally gave the situation fully to the Lord I had the strength to put change in action. The most perplexing factor was that during this whole situation I had not drifted from my involvement with my daily devotions or Bible study. I was living in a false security and blindly choosing not to fully lay that corner of my hurt heart and wounded identity in His arms for restoration. I was going through the motions in that area of my heart.
Have you ever caught yourself in a similar heart situation? If yes, then you can attest to the sense of peace that comes as you practice the process of surrender. I had to surrender my hurt and release my hesitation for future interactions. I had to forgive and release my need for restitution. I had to repent of pridefully seeking approval of man and live for the approval of only my Savior.
The enemy is so subtle in his ways. This is just another reminder that we need to live our life as the Warrior-Princess we are and stand fully armed for battle everyday. “For our struggle is not with flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against he powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12
Remember~ Armor up and lay my pride down!
Take time to reflect with the Lord by focusing on Psalm 139:23-24 he will meet you in the stillness of your heart and lead you in ways everlasting.
Be Alert~ Stay Strong~ Pray Always